It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown...

After three weeks of being back in upstate New York, I finally have a gym membership! The best part is, it's only $20 a month for six months! Incredibly cheap for this area. I'm super excited to get back into working out after a few weeks of sitting around. I think that's one of the factors resulting in my intense moodiness. They don't have a lot of classes though which sucks but oh well. Maybe I can find some cheap yoga classes in the area or just force K. to do yoga DVDs with me.

Now that I have a membership, I can start making new work-out playlists! I typically listen to hardcore while exercising (underOATH, From Autumn to Ashes, Every Time I Die, Drop Dead Gorgeous) but lately it's been more electro (The Bloody Beetroots, MSTRKRFT, Boys Noize, Uffie, Blank & Jones). Sometimes there's even my typical indie choices in there (Arcade Fire, Wolf Parade, The Pierces) What do you recommend?

I just read "This is Not Chick Lit" which is a collection of short stories, edited by Elizabeth Merrick. I absolutely loved it and would recommend it. Some of the stories are heartbreaking, others comical and heart warming, while there are those that are just disturbing in a way that really makes you think about different situations you may have never considered before. It is not a cheap shot at "chick lit" as many have come to see it, including the editor of "This is Chick Lit" but rather an opportunity to give the spotlight to eighteen female modern literary talents. I think my favorite story was Cristina Henríquez's "Gabriella My Heart" about a young man coming to terms with his homosexuality.

Reason Why I Wish I Lived in Europe #872

Am I the only one who wants to run out and dress their boyfriend in an outfit like this?

 

Probably.

Am I okay with this urge? Yes. 

Would he let me? Questionable. 

*From The Satoralist, 21 January 2009. 

I'm still in your blood, you're still in my blood.

I'm all for a bi-partisan government (as left-wing as I am). I think it is crucial, especially right now. While I do not agree with everything he has done in naming his cabinet members, I applaud Obama for treading on middle ground thus far. So why is it that Congressional Republicans cannot play nicely, especially after they got the tax cuts and other provisions written into the stimulus bill, provisions they insisted on? And then have the gall to say to Durbin, "Don't give up on us. We still want to work with you." I don't think this will continue on when it gets to the Senate but I do have to say that I'm not liking Pelosi lately.

On that note, The Huffington Post (and GoFugYourself) is why I never get anything done, I swear.

I'm not sure how many more articles I can read about families involved in murder-suicides. It makes me incredibly nauseous. Has our country really fallen this far?

I adore this photograph and I'm not sure why:



Interview tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed. Although now I've posted that fact on here and told some of my friends, I'm sure I've jinxed it.

Next up: 101 in 1001 Days project
(I take back the words "next up" - I can't promise that as it might take a while to compile this list, as I would like it to be sincere)

Go download the Bloody Beatroots - erm, if you like electro musc. If that's not your thing, try "Time Lapse Lifeline" by Maria Taylor or "Bitches in Tokyo" by STARS.

(sometimes it's impossible to be motivated enough to take the first steps)

May we please move on?

I realize that President Obama's inauguration was one week ago. So why is it that today I opened the newspaper to the editorial section and still find people complaining about the cost of this inauguration in a time of recession? Further more, are these people serious? Do they really need someone to break it down to them? Please let me know if you disagree with me but here's my take on the situation.

The 56th inauguration attracted the largest crowds in history, estimated at just over one million people in attendance. 8,000 police officers from all over the country as well as 10,000 National Guard troops were flown in to assist with crowd control. This is a necessary cost for the safety of the citizens who wanted to be a part of this historic event. I agree that some of the security costs incurred by the whistle-stop train trip could have been scaled back but at the same time it was a wonderful way to reach out to every day people who do not have the means of seeing the inauguration in person.

As you've noticed, we are in a recession, which is the original cry for the spending. Generally, one would think that with a recession would come deflated costs since no one is spending as much. Unfortunately, costs are still inflated, not dropping fast enough. Therefore, all the costs for an inauguration in 2009 are going to be exponentially higher than they were in 2005. Not to mention, media outlets keep throwing out figures of $42-70 million from 2005. This is wrong! After the cost of security and transportation, which no one seems to be factoring in, Bush spent close to $115 million.

Please note that a majority of the $150 million+ spent on this event was paid for with private funds. The inaugural balls were paid for entirely from these private funds. You can't stop wealthy donors (read: celebrities) from spending their money in a recession.

So please, may we just move on and focus on the 70,000 jobs across the country that were lost yesterday and pray that Obama has picked the right people to seat his cabinet that can help to save our country and our world?

A Valuable Life Lesson

I'd like to clarify something.
I know that I previously claimed to judge people.

I think I misused the word judge.

I guess that I was just horrified that she claimed to know literature when her perception of what is considered literature varies from mine. I mean really, literature is any kind of writing in prose or verse. I still think she's a wonderful person, which I did mention in the beginning. And unlike her, I won't dismiss someone because they do not choose to pick up a book for recreational use.

Let me give you an example of a time when I did not judge someone but they in turn judged me and really made me rethink my opinion about a lot of things. In December, I went to my boyfriend's company Christmas party with him. I had on a sexy black dress and rocked the four inch black patent pumps. We sat next to one of the people who works in the company's plant. My boyfriend is an environmental chemist and a lot of the people that work for the company in the plant are ex-convicts. This charming fellow happened to have gone to prison for operating a crystal meth lab in Alaska. Sitting to his right was his girlfriend.

Looking at her, you could tell she had a hard life. She was overweight and looked weathered, with her perm, cheap sweater and ratty black pants. I didn't judge her yet I didn't pity her. I had no opinion on her. I tried to say something to her a few times and every time the only response I received was a full-on glare. Throughout the course of dinner, the two argued over who was drinking and who was driving home. The kicker is this argument had nothing to do with the safety of their own lives and others. It had everything to do with the fact that she has a breathalyzer in her car. In order to start the car, you have to blow. Every few minutes while driving, it will instruct you to blow again. This is to make sure no one other than the driver had blown into it to start the car. If it detects alcohol, you have about forty-five second to pull over to the shoulder before the car shuts itself off. How does one get such a wonderful contraption in their car in the state of Washington? All it takes is a few drunk driving convictions! So why didn't they just take his car? Oh, that's right. He had his license revoked and is not allowed to have a car registered in his name.

So it was decided that she would drive. Yet every time he wasn't looking, she reached over and downed his glass of wine. In seconds. I've never seen someone gulp down alcohol so fast. And there was that period of forty-five minutes that she was "in the bathroom." In all, I didn't give much thought to them, other than I thought it was sad that they could talk about the breathalyzer in her car in front of everyone at the dinner table like it was the latest fashion accessory that everyone had.

Come Monday, I get a phone call from the boyfriend. Apparently this woman asked her boyfriend if V. always dates girls who are such bitches. She went on to say that I'm incredibly full of myself and that I think I'm better than everyone. Excuse me? I was the one who went out of my way to speak to her and she was the one who couldn't even spare me one word in return. Was it because I was dressed formally, like everyone else? The fact that I can form a sentence intelligently? Or is it the that I realize it's not 1987 and perms aren't in anymore. Maybe it was the look of horror that flashed across my face when her boyfriend asked me what kind of girl I am, if I am a "bad girl" and then winked. I didn't even mention to her that I will not drive even if I've had only one drink because I think of the safety of others, as well as my own well being.

If I had known she felt that way about me, I would have had no problem leaning over and letting her know that her boyfriend tells everyone at work that his girlfriend is fat and ugly and that he only dates her because he knows she will never cheat on him.

That was my lesson in judging, to the max.

WTF, Google Reader?

Why is it that when I delete a post, it still shows up in Google Reader? Strange. Please stop, GR. I was hoping that nothing would ever come between our love affair, but this is the first (tiny) crack in my affection.

Hmmm. Regardless, I was excited to see that I have FOUR subscribers on Google Reader and THREE followers through Blogger! How absolutely thrilling! And only ten posts in? I swear it's not me on four different Google accounts. . .

I'm completely and madly in love with this studio apartment in NYC featured on Apartment Therapy. It's insanely incredibly and she is so gorgeous. Sigh. I wish I had stuck with dancing. She does need to invest in a little bit of artwork, but I'm sure every penny she earns goes to rent. I can only hope to find a studio half this nice in Seattle, come August.

My other current obsession happens to be Jon Favreau, but I'm sure you all already know about him. He's the 27 year old speechwriter for Obama. Yes, 27 years old. Simply amazing.

Well, I think that about sums up my random items for the day. I generally hate to write posts like this and I promise not to have too many of them, my faithful subscribers and followers!

"I believe we can provide jobs to the jobless, homes to the homeless, and reclaim young people in cities across America from violence and despair."*

Obama reverses abortion-funding policy

This is what gives me hope about our new president and finally the potential for growth that our country will hopefully experience again, as well as the ability to help third-world countries, not destroy them.

If only the economy would rise quicker. I'm starting to slip into a depression. I know that it's the economy and not me, but sometimes it's hard to remind yourself of that fact when it's constant rejections or not even an invitation for an interview. Some days, it is a challenge just to get out of bed. It is upsetting to know that I can't go to graduate school in London in the fall (there are times when it's all I can think about) and it's disheartening that it's so difficult to find employment, with higher education and experience. I'm so thankful that I have the option of returning to my parents' house while I look for a job and figure out my life (even though at times I may complain, it's embarrassing to be back here at 23 and I miss my boyfriend across the country). It breaks my heart to think of the families who have nothing left.

I have got to stop spending so much time on the internet and watching countless TV shows on DVD, in between job hunting. This is most likely not helping my despondent state. I e-mailed a few places today in hopes of being able to volunteer and on Monday I'm creating a schedule to study for the LSAT and I'm sticking to it. Now I just need to find a place to study. Coffee shops were always my preferred location in college but a cup of coffee is expensive when you have no income!

If you're looking for a pick-me up during such hard times, reading this may put a huge smile on your face.


*The title of this post was taken from President Obama's speech at the Democratic National Convention in 2004.

Bedroom Eyes No More

When I was younger, up until 8th grade, my eyes were droopy. It's fairly noticeable in pictures. My mother always referred to them as "bedroom eyes" and told me they were pretty. To me, they just made me look like a beagle. Not what a girl going through puberty wants to have.

So, when I was 13, I started forcing myself to open my eyes wider and keep them like that. That's what I spent most of my time concentrating on in my math and science classes, which is probably one of the reasons why I have a degree in English.

It's not as easy as it sounds, when you've been walking around with your eyes half closed for the majority of your life.

In the end, this little endeavor paid off. Now, a countless number of people on a regular basis tell me that I have huge eyes. I smile and coyly say thank you, never letting them know how long it took to achieve such a compliment. I can't do fractions, long division or tell you the names of things in outer space...but my mother no longer tells me I have "bedroom eyes." Success, mais non? As this project was a victory, I have tried many times in the past ten years to get my nose to straighten out on its own. No such luck. I guess skin is easier to manipulate than bone.

I'm so not proactive in enriching my quality of life

I'm in a rut. Big time.

Here's a snippet of how my days have been recently:

10:08 A.M. - Open one eye. Check time. Roll over. Sigh. Text boyfriend. Drag myself out of bed. Consume massive amounts of coffee. Half heartedly look for jobs online.

11:13 A.M. - Watch an episode of Doctor Who.

1:34 P.M. - Hang out with either my brother or my sister and her little monsters (never both at once). Text boyfriend.

5:47 P.M. - Dinner with my parents, usually something horrendous that they think is fabulous.

7:58 P.M. - There are two options here. I'll either go out for a drink/coffee with a friend, or continue to watch episodes of Doctor Who until 1:00 A.M.

12:00 A.M. - Talk to boyfriend on phone.

Repeat. The only exception would be weekends when I drive an hour away to my alma mater for classes and spend the night with my crazy friends.

I know this isn't healthy and I should be studying for the LSAT and looking for jobs and not consuming so many cookies and Diet Cokes. I've decided that until I can find a job, I'll start volunteering. I'm making K. volunteer at the Special Olympics with me in a few weeks and I'd like to start helping out at the local AIDS non-profit organization, where I used to go weekly in high school to offer my assistance. I feel like I need motivation to start living again. I should also probably deactivate my facebook so that I don't spend all day on there. That'd be good. Not to mention clean out my Google Reader. Keeping up on other people's blogs takes a lot of time. Did I also let you in on the secret that I've been back for almost two weeks and I still haven't completed unpacked? Let's just say, my parents probably wish I would just get married so someone could take me off their hands.

Anyway, I'm off to continue to look for any form of employment. At this point, it's not even about the money. It's about not going completely insane from lack of activities.

Hi, my name is Amanda and I'm judging you.

Oh gosh, ANOTHER confession?

Here it is...

...I judge people. Harshly.

Who doesn't. I will never let it cloud my ability to be open minded until I get to know that person. After that, it's game on. Recently, I met a sweetheart who proclaimed herself to be an avid reader and book lover. Hell yes! She was telling me that she wants to go back to school for her B.A. and was interested in going for Literature. A woman after my own heart. She said in a haughty voice that she judges people who do not read and won't talk to them if they don't (even I'm not that bad - I'll talk to them and have plenty of material to talk about to my friends after, obviously).

We started talking about what we were currently reading. I told her I was reading "The American" by Henry James. I love Henry James. As my brother recently pointed out, there is no soul in his books. I just adore the commentary on American-European social standards in the late 1800's, as well as the travel aspect of it. What can I say, it gets me all hot and bothered. She had never heard of Henry James. Hmm. Really? Not everyone has, so I'll let it slide. The conversation continued and she told me she loves British and Irish literature. Me too! James Joyce is one of my favorite authors! Her response? "Oh, I've never heard of James Joyce! Is he a new author?" I almost fell off my chair. And she wanted to major in literature? 

I can appreciate the fact that she enjoys reading, even though most of her chosen material seems to be of the...sexual persuasion. At least it's using more of the brain than watching television. I have to admit, once in a very great while I will pick up a chick lit book. Hell, I freaking love horror fiction, especially those that involve vampires (sorry, I hated the Twilight series - horribly written). Yet I'm still going to judge you if you act all high and mighty and better than everyone because you read constantly, claim you love Irish literature but you don't know who James Joyce is. What's next, are you going to tell me you don't know who Sylvia Plath or Virginia Woolf are? 

I'm not saying that everyone should run out and be well versed on Joyce or James. I just feel that if you truly have a passion for literature, you would at least have heard of these authors. Therefore, I'm judging her. Harshly. But I'll never let her know and I'll continue to allow her to talk "books" with me. 

Guilty Pleasure Confession

Today as I was watching Queen videos on YouTube, I had to stop and wonder if this could be considered a "guilty pleasure." Then again...who doesn't love Queen? Their songs make an excellent soundtrack to every aspect of my life. 

For example, the other day I was re-organizing my room (my parents are THRILLED to have me back in their house at the 

tender age of twenty three!) and I thought I had thrown away/burned everything from my life with him. I shuffled through some papers I had left on my desk only to find a note that reads "Amanda, I LOVE you! Love, J." Next, I found a card with a long inscription saying he loved me, so on and so forth. I opened up the top drawer of my dresser to put some socks aways and found some of his socks and a pair of blue and green plaid Calvin Klein boxers. Fuc

k. Seriously? I ended up sitting on the floor of my bedroom listening to Queen's "Save Me" on repeat and

 contemplating downing the shooter of Jack Daniel's that was sitting beside me and then running to the liquor store to aquire some more. So, back to my point, Queen's "Save Me" was the perfect song for the moment. Did I mention he was wearing a Queen shirt when I met him? Bastard. Of course I was going to fal

l head over heels in love with the asshole. The crazy part is I have no feelings left for him, whatsoever. I couldn't be happier to have him out of my life. It's the Queen that makes me so morose about it. I swear!

Moving on. When I'm down and needing a little pick me up to remind myself about how AWESOME I am..."Don't Stop Me Now" is perfect! "I'm a shooting star leaping through the skiesssss." You know, when you're getting ready to go out and you're running around in your underwear and thigh high socks from American Apparel...this is the song to listen to. Example of me in my AA socks is to your left. 

I have to admit, "Under Pressure" is probably the best. song. ever. written. Ever. Queen AND David Bowie? Omigod. Orgasmic. I could listen to that song on repeat, probably for the rest of my life. Honestly. 

Now...this Paul Rogers BS? No thank you! Queen IS Freddie Mercury. You're not honoring his memory by replacing him with Paul Rogers, of all people. AND releasing new material? I never listen to the radio but about a year and a half ago, I didn't have my iPod or a good CD in the car so I was forced to. I almost swerved off the road when I heard "and here's a new one from Queen, with Paul Rogers!" 

So now that you know about my obsession with the best band of all time...let's never speak of this again. 

San Diego Zoo Panda Cam!

San Diego Zoo has a live stream of their Pandas!

Currently, the Panda in view is being adorable and sitting on a log, while eating bamboo.

Pandas are my favorite animals in the world. Maybe because when I was little, people used to always buy me stuffed Panda Bears as gifts, since it rhymes with Manda. Either way...I love them.

As CNN reports...Pandas are only cuddly in looks. In Beijing, Gu Gu nawed on a human for the third time.

Because what I need is more resolutions...

My last post on resolutions...I swear...

I never make resolutions on New Year's. I know myself and I know that I change my mind about life every five minutes. New Year's Resolutions would last about ten minutes and I don't really feel that I need to change the issues that people normally choose to dissect on January 1st. I know it's unusual for a twenty-three year old female to say but I love my body. I'm a healthy 108 pounds for my 5'3" frame and I'm naturally pretty toned and I already work out on a pretty regular basis. I don't smoke so I can't quit that. Quit drinking or drink less? Ummmm how about I drink more. Debt? Okay, yes. I do need to work on that one. As for organization...I'm OCD, I think I have organization down pat.

I've come to realize that there is one thing that I do need to change. This is something you've probably already read in a million blogs but I think it's vital to my happiness. 2009 needs to be about me.

I've been the girl with a boyfriend pretty much since the time I was 16-17ish. Even when I was in relationship, towards the end of it I always had the next one picked out. If I didn't, it was not far from happening. If it wasn't a relationship, it was dating multiple people at a time, then eventually choosing just one. That's seven years of always having to be responsible for someone else's happiness. I know that's a horrible way to look at relationships, but it's essentially what a relationship is, in many ways.

I think I need a break from all of that. I think that I need to figure out my own life and not worry about someone else's. I don't want someone else to be the deciding factor in where I go to law school or where I move when I'm FINALLY able to and to be able to stay in one place for a while. Would I be crazy for getting rid of something that could have been the best thing that ever happened to me? If I'm questioning it...shouldn't that be my answer?

New Year's Blogging Resolutions

I'm a horrible blogger. I create and delete blogs like crazy. I hate the way my writing comes across. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm so highly critical of myself, to a fault. Therefore, my new year's resolution (yes, I realize it is eleven days late) is to not be so critical, towards myself and others.

I also want to blog more, for myself. Yet I want to put effort into what I write and not have it be the type of blog that's focused on mundane things such as what I had for lunch. Unless, of course, it's something I cooked or baked. Then I will post pictures and dance around the kitchen and write all about it!

I'm back on the East Coast. It's not at all what I wanted it to be. It's actually downright depressing and I can't stop listening to LCD Soundsystem's "Someone Great." My paralegal classes start next Saturday and I have a job interview on Monday so I really can't complain, things will pick up and hopefully I can score a real job and not have to be the home improvement girl again. I have to crack down on LSAT studying. I need to learn how to love logic games, not desperately despise them. How does one accomplish such a feat?

Reflections on the fabulousness that was the year 2008

Oh, 2008. I hated you.

My boyfriend got jumped and beaten up, resulting in a broken orbital bone and scratched cornea; I missed a week of work taking care of him. I guess when your friend hands you a loretab in the bathroom of a bar after you took eight shots of hard liquor, you turn into quite an asshole. Guess what, you deserved it. I mourned the loss of my grandmother, the last of any living extended family that I had. I did too much ecstasy at a Boyz Noise/MSTRKRFT show in Toronto and swore off drugs for the rest of my life. I decided I wanted to run away to London for graduate school in Human Rights – I applied to approximately 8 schools, got into about 7. I sent in my $1,000 non-refundable deposit to Kingston University, quit my plush job as a legal assistant and moved home for the summer to save money. Boyfriend convinced me to defer for a year so that we could go to London together, stay in love and be as one forever. Two weeks after I send my request for deferral, we break up. After two years of dating. Apparently girls who wear ten pounds of make-up are more fascinating than me. It’s okay, really. Your weight gain, shitty attitude, fucked up friends, drug use and the fact you could not graduate from college after five years was making me seriously abhor the sight of you. I can say in all seriousness that I hope you drop dead. Soon.

I moved to Seattle to get over my heartbreak, hang out with my older brother and hopefully find a job. I dropped down to 98 pounds but thankfully am back to a healthy 108. Did not find a job but rekindled my affair with hard alcohol and dancing, re- discovered my penchant for living life to the fullest and found an ex-cop bouncer with a girlfriend and banging another girl on the side. Three months later and he’s in love, avec moi. I went through three blogs, including this one. I deleted all entries from 2008, as I want to forget the year ever occurred. I went to a Seahawks game with my ex cop bouncer’s father and got so drunk off of Bud Light that he had to carry me out. Classy. While my choice of candidates won the presidential election, the economy continues to slide into oblivion, taking with it any hopes at securing the 40k in loans I need for London in the Fall, much less landing a decent paying job.

I fell in love with thigh high socks from American Apparel, Malibu and Sprite, StartingOverat24.blogspot.com, MGMT, Shiny Toy Guns, the city of Seattle, GoFugYourself.Com and Etsy.com.

I made some new friends, lost some old friends. I have no regrets about the "friends" I lost. I learned not to give my number out at a bar while stumbling drunk, they will call/text incessantly. For three months after, even if you never respond. Most of all, I learned that the cliche "life is too short" is 100% true.

Enter 2009. On Thursday I’m moving back home across the country, taking a paralegal certification course and resuming my position as the customer service expert at my local Home Depot, using a computer system that has not been updated since 1985. I cannot wait to hear the wonderful personal questions from customers yet again, ranging from "are you old enough to work here?," "what high school do you go to?" and of course, "is there a man that could help me with this?" Yes assholes, I am old enough to work here, I have my bachelor's degree which I'm guessing is something you have not yet or ever will earn and I may be tiny but I can answer your questions about home improvement better than any man in the store. I am toying with the idea of maintaining a long-distance relationship from thousands of miles away with my darling ex-cop bouncer. I will throw myself into studying for the LSAT and dream of once again moving out of my parents’ house, hopefully before the celebration of my twenty fourth year of existence in October.

Resolutions? I'll save that for another time.