I created this blog (or rather, previous forms of this blog) when my heart was broken.
This was still fresh in my mind when I named it "Le Coeur Vide" - The Empty Heart in French.

The tear going through the middle is in some ways still healing and there will always be a deep scar there. Yet my heart is no longer empty, broken or battered.

Time for a new blog, with a new name.

Suggestions for a name?

On giving up a best friend

I am what you could call a coffee aficionado. I love coffee in any roast and any form. Lattes, cappuccinos, espresso, french press - adore them all. I particularly love any Italian blend. I could talk to you about coffee all day long. The aromatic smell, the sight of the steam rising up off the gorgeous brown liquid, the feeling of happiness that rushes through my body with the first sip. I have converted everyone close to me into coffee addicts - best friends, boyfriends - simply because grabbing coffee is my favorite thing to do because it makes me so intoxicated with joy.

So believe me when I say, giving up caffeine is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do (I know, I've been extremely lucky). It's like giving up a best friend. So why would I willingly put myself through this?

I'm telling myself it's for my own well being. I'm always on edge, I'm always anxious and very irritable, I'm restless, I have muscle tremors, headaches, abnormal heart rhythms. I have no energy anymore and never make it to the gym. I have the worst PMS most have ever seen. Not to mention, I'm severely allergic to dairy products and I remember to take my calcium supplement once a month if I'm lucky. The sometimes seven cups of coffee I consume in a day is leaching the calcium out of my bones. I decided it was time to be an adult and give it up for my own health benefits.

As a result of no caffeine, I've never been so tired in my life. I have the worst time getting out of bed in the morning, even though I've been passing out by 10 P.M. at the latest. I wish I could have been smart enough to quit when I wasn't working almost 70 hours a week but I never do smart things now, do I?

What's the hardest thing you've ever had to give up?

Need. sleep.

I'm tired. My friend's band is having a CD release party tonight and all I want to do is curl up into a little ball and catch up on alone time and sleep. I can't complain - I'm making enough to pay off my $2,600 credit card debt and hopefully save at least $3,000 for my move in July. At the same time, I kinda miss having a life and energy and time to study for the LSAT. I have to start finding a time to go to the gym so that I feel better about myself. I think I might bring in a fitness ball to use as a chair at my desk at my office job so I can strengthen my inner core while fighting corporations whose products cause disease. Regardless...I think by the time July rolls around, I'm going to be one exhausted girl.

I love Edward Monkton.